Ways to drive characters of POTC insane
by Saphalina
Summary: Does exactly what it says on the tin, so far it's Norrington, William Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Davy Jones, Gibbs, Jack, Cutler Becket, ScarletGiselle, Tia Dalma, Barbosa, Ana Maria. NEW CHAPTER PINTEL AND RAGETTI
1. James Norrington

**Disclaimer; I do not own any of the characters or anything to do with them only my ideas belong to me and they are locked safely away**

**A/N This is the first chapter of the story, and each of the chapters will be for a different character. So i hope you enjoy it and read and review.

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Home for the mentally deranged

Things to drive Norrington insane

Dye his ship's sails black (if you don't get this, you have no idea about pirates)

Hide his wig

Repeatedly tell him that Captain Jack Sparrow is the best pirate that ever lived

Refuse to call him Commodore (this really only works for the first film)

Taunt him about the fact he isn't a commodore anymore (applies to second film)

Dye his wig pink

When he talks to you say "oh la de da!"

When he tells you to do something reply sarcastically "Yes your highness" and bow mockingly.

Constantly tell him that you think Will and Elizabeth make a lovely couple

Say to him "there's plenty of fish left in the sea…so get fishing, I'm hungry"

Ask him if he had a nice time rolling around with the pigs

Ask him why he never got a wash after being covered in pig yuck

Giggle and point at him head

Ask him why he never manages to catch Jack

Scream in his ear

Move your lips as if you're talking but let no sound escape (this should cause him to think he's deaf)

Get him to sing "a pirates life for me"

Tell him he must be really horny if he was willing to go after Will just to get Elizabeth

Laugh at him and shout "we proved you wrong about those un-dead pirates, who's the fool now!?"

Talk with a cockney accent (or any common dialect)

**A/N There you go readers, next chapter shall be dear William. (evil laugh). Anyways please review, if you do you get your name at the start of the next chapter and an imaginary cookie.**

**Muchas Gracias**

**Saphalina xoxo**


	2. William Turner

**A/N Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers you all get your imaginary cookies;**

**KRiSTiN-ANNE-**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**DreamDolphin13**

**Black Ladybug**

**SoftStuff**

**C.Cslyfan**

**purplediamond7**

**Here you go people, my current victim….William Turner**

**William Turner**

Challenge him to a duel with celery sticks

Trip him over and when he starts shouting at you asking why you did that reply "Pirate" in a very Jack like way.

Point at his sword and ask him if it's to compensate for something he doesn't have "down below"

Constantly go around going "cough eunuch cough"

Ask him "why were you willing to die for Elizabeth? Wouldn't that kind of defeat the idea of you two being together, with you being dead and all? You should really think things through William, you have much to learn."

Confuse him by talking about modern day technology such as microwaves and computers, tell him it's magic.

Follow him around saying "Echo…echo…echo". When he asks what you're doing, tell him you're voicing his thoughts.

Tell everyone he still wear diapers and sucks his thumb.

Tell him Elizabeth is ugly (be prepares to defend yourself afterwards, that or run away as soon as you've said it)

Call him "Willie"

Do his hair in braids like Jack's hair whilst he's asleep then when he wakes up accuse him of trying to impersonate Jack.

Ask him why he even likes Elizabeth because she's just a whiny spoilt brat that really has no use aboard a pirate ship because she's useless, and you think she should be fed to the sharks. (Again be prepared to run away or defend yourself).

Call him Immature

Tell him "If you're so prone to rash decisions such as going after a bunch of un-dead pirates to save Elizabeth and risk life and limb for her, why were too scared to tell her what you though about her earlier. It seems a bit stupid and idiotic to me."

When he tells you to do something important look at him confused then reply "Je ne comprends pas" even though he knows you can speak English (A/N by the way that French phrase means I don't understand)

Taunt him by saying "Your dad was a pirate" in a sing song voice over and over again

Wake him um with a cold bucket of water

Every time he draws his sword say "whoa there will old mate, I think you need a cold shower don't you" gesticulating towards his sword

Give him notes that say I'm going to get you and your little dog too

Sneak lemon juice into his drink at every opportunity

**A/N Hope ya'll enjoyed that, again reviewing gets you an imaginary cookie and your name at the start of the next chapter to make you feel special.**

**Author: And my next victim shall be……..Elizabeth Swann**

**Elizabeth: No, please have some pity...(breaks off crying)**

**Author: (laughs evilly) **


	3. Elizabeth Swann

**A/N Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers, they're much appreciated;**

**SoftStuff**

**Black Ladybug**

**Little Miss Vampirate**

**Shari**

**ScarletRosePetal**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**Midnight Emerald**

**KRiSTiN-ANNE-**

**Lil' Miss.Rebel

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**

**Elizabeth Swann**

Giver her a bag of toe nail clippings

Compare her to Jack

Prance around in one of her dresses doing a stupid high pitched impression of her

Ruin her favourite dress, so that it is no longer wearable

Threaten her with a corset

Ask her how she could have possibly thought that she looked like a man when she dressed up to get William

Tell her that you think she needs a bath

Tell her that you know about her kissing Jack and blackmail her by telling her that you're going to tell Will (fail to mention that Will already knows)

Every time she mentions Will reply "Who?" and act as if you've never heard of him (try and get everyone to do the same)

Tell her Will is gay

Randomly pluck out her hair, one hair at a time.

Tell her she smells like wet dog

Tell her Will doesn't love her anymore

Break up with Will on "Elizabeth's behalf"

Give her a pet skunk; make sure it's one that sprays a lot.

Tell her you think she looks fat

Suggest she gets a boob job, claim it will make Will love her more.

Every time she eats meat or wears clothes that are bi-products of animals i.e. leather, go on a massive rant at her about how animals are just as good as humans and don't deserve to die just to satisfy her.

Walk behind her singing "I like big buts and I cannot lie" whilst pointing at her arse.

Tell her that you think she has got to be the most feminine man you have ever met

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A/N Reviews mean I update quicker so get clicking and typing people, all reviewers get their names at the beginning of the next chapter.**

**Author: And the winner of the victim lottery is…..**

**Audience: (gasps in anticipation)**

**Author: Davy Jones**

**Jones: (eyes wide in shock)**

**Author: Do you fear... death? Do you fear that dark abyss? All your deeds laid bare, all your sins punished?**

**Jones: Hey that's my line!**

**Author: Not anymore (evil laugh)**

**Remember to review folks.**


	4. Davy Jones

**A/N Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, again here are your names to make you feel special;**

**JUGGERKNOT**

**SoftStuff**

**Midnight Emerald**

**ScarletRosePetal**

**Aranel Lissesul**

**Hiding in the Shadow**

**Lil' Miss.Rebel**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**omgxiixluvxhc**

**Davy Jones**

Ask him how the hell he manages to stay alive without a heart, and proceed to say why you need a hear to live (pumping oxygen to muscles etc)

Tell him to lighten up about his lost love, after all there are plenty more fish in the sea, and for him that's slightly more literal

Ask him if he's always looked so squid like

Hand him pamphlets on a career in the Royal Navy

Go up to him and say "Hey, do you know or work for The Devil?" when he looks confused list alternative names for The Devil such as Beelzebub, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Prince of Darkness, The Evil One

Whenever he's around say loudly "Ewww, it smells like fish, gross!"

Every time he walks towards you back way saying "sorry I don't do sushi, it's not my thing"

Ask him if he's Welsh (his last name for those that don't know is a very common last name in Wales)

Slap him and call him "fish face"

When he starts shouting at you threaten him with your "pet whale" (squids are eaten by whales, and Davy Jones is kind of squid like so this should theoretically work)

Tell him smoking is bad for his health

Call him a "meanie poo poo head"

Get everyone to call him "fish face"

Tell him you think it's cute that he's got a pet to play with, but suggest it needs further training because it's still "a bit" violent

Tell him he needs piano lessons because he sucks and you're fed up of him giving you a headache

Pull on his tentacles (not his testicles!)

Tell him his breath smells

Ask him if his brother is the giant squid from the sailor stories

say "so…you can talk to fish then?"

Giggle and constantly remind him that your not dead or dying

Taunt him about the fact that you have a heart and he doesn't

Tell him that you think that therapy would have been a lot easier than ripping out his heart

Pretend to be a therapist and ask him question such as "and how does that make you feel?" every time he talks to you.

Suggest therapy sessions for all of his crew as they all seem to have "issues"

Taunt him by saying that you know where is heart is and that it's not where he thinks it is.

**A/N Okay I realise I did slightly more things for Davy Jones than for some of the other characters but I got carried away and he just seem like one of those people that it would be really funny to wind up. Oh well…**

**Anyways, review people! If you can read it, you can review it, so I expect more reviews than last time folks!**

**I don't know what character I am going to torture next, so I am going to leave you guessing…(evil laugh)**


	5. Gibbs

**A/N I would just like to say thank you for all your reviews, your names are listed at the end of this author's note. I went with the idea of Gibbs as that is what most people suggested, I'm open to opinions if there's a special character you want me to wind up feel free to say so in your review and I will get right to it**

**Here's to be wonderful reviewers:**

**Lil' Miss.Rebel**

**SoftStuff**

**purplediamond7**

**ScarletRosePetal**

**omgxiixluvxhc**

**J. B. Duenweg**

**Little Miss Vampirate**

**Mrs.CaptainJackSparrow1234**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**Black Ladybug**

**S**

**Gibbs**

Tell him that Jack is getting a new crew that is completely female

Steal his canteen (A/N it's that little bottle with alcohol in it that he carries around)

Insist that females are GOOD luck

When he tells you one of his stories, point out all the flaws and loop holes, then proceed to tell him the real version of events

Make up stories and tell him them

Correct him constantly in front of the crew

Ask him if he's ever considered the fact that he was the one that was actually bad luck, not everyone else.

Ask him if he believes in fairies. If he says no burst into tears and tell him he just killed a fairy by saying that.

Cover him in good luck charms

Put loads of things around the ship that are supposedly bad luck.

Rub it in his face that Norrington was his superior in the Navy even though Gibbs is older.

Serenade him, singing really badly

Talk to him about "girl stuff" and make him feel really uncomfortable

Burst into tears in front of him and ask why he doesn't love you

Put flowers in his hair

Spread disgusting rumours about him, then ask him if they're true

"Curse him"

Claim to be a witch or some other mystical creature which is generally accepted as being bad or bad luck

Flick stuff at him

Pea shooter plus spit balls equals very angry Gibbs

**A/N REVIEWS????**

**The next chapter will be the top 25 from me previous fanfic "100 ways to drive Captain Jack Sparrow insane" but that will not go up till I get enough reviews from this chapter, savvy? **


	6. The best of Jack

**A/N Okay well these are what I consider to be the highlights from my other story, someone asked in a review for me to annoy Jack so there you go. Hope you all enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of pirates of the caribbean, and even if i did i wouldn't share**

**Claimer: However i do own the ideas and ways to annoy the characters, and the title of the story. So neh!**

**Captain Jack Sparrow**

Every time he walks up to you scream hysterically and run away

Tell him there was a mix up with his order of rum and the fifty cases of rum he has is actually water.

Constantly refer to the Pearl as a "rowing boat"

Walk behind him shouting "roll up roll up, come see the freak with hair and makeup, that's it gentlemen come on now, try not to startle it"

Set those animal traps with the hoop of rope (a/n you know what I mean) with rum as bate

Put ALL the rum into a big tub, put all of his clothes and bedding in it, then tell him if he really want to drink rum he can suck his clothes dry

Wash and iron all of his clothes and then when he wears them say "aww isn't it sweet. You look just like Norrington now, a real gentleman."

Label every thing with sticky notes. And I mean EVERYTHING

Ask him if he was born with the bone attached to his hair or if it just got caught in his hair one day and he has yet to realise that its there

Tell him repeatedly that Norrington rox your sox.

When he tries to talk to you, cut him off saying "Do you mind? I was talking to the wall." And then proceed to talk to the wall

Every hour stare at him for five minutes. Don't say anything just stare.

Run around screaming and running into things

Talk with an OTT pirate accent

Stand behind him rocking backwards and forwards, laughing manically.

Look at him, tut and shake your head then walk away, leaving him confused

Yodel everywhere you go

When he starts shouting at the crew steer him away saying loudly that its time for his medicine and nice nap.

Call him "Jackie poo"

Move all of him furniture around so that when he comes in at night he trips over everything

Leave him secret admire notes and sign them from Gibbs

Twitch all the time and when he asks you about it, pretend you don't know what he's talking about

Buy him an extremely vicious cat.

Make a list of all the things that you are going to do to annoy him then leave it around for him to see.

Look over board and shout "OMG! Look there's water"

**A/N **

**Author: Now everyone remember to review, i'm setting a deadline for my next chapter ehich will be in roughly 2 weeks, each review means i bring forward the deadline by 1 day, so more reviews equals a faster update**

**Author: (Picks name out of hat) and the next character to be subjected to my cruel and twisted imagination is…Lord Cutler Becket. Please step forward.**

**Becket: I will get you for this woman! I will see you hang if it's the very last thing I do.**

**Author: Bite me!**


	7. Lord Cutler Becket

**I want to say that I'm extremely sorry for leaving it so long, I had half of it done, then GCSE exams came, so I've just finished it now, instead of doing extra revision for German. Hope you all enjoy**

**Cutler Beckett**

Call him "shortie"

When people make fun of his height get all possessive and tell them off and say "He's not a dwarf! He's vertically challenged!"

Dress him up like an umpa lumpa (Charlie and the chocolate factory)

Tell him that he looks like a constipated donkey

Prod him repeatedly

insist on picking him up and carrying him everywhere….upside down

Jump on his back and yell "giddy up horsey"

Laugh at him and repeatedly tell him that he'll never kill al the pirates

When he says that all pirates face extinction ask him "Don't you mean the East India Trading Company?"

Giggle and point at him

Insist that Pirates are good people and that he is in fact the evil one

Tell his superiors that Becket joined the crew of the Black Pearl

When he talks to you, look bored and pick the dirt from your nails

Dress him in a mini skirt

Put his hair in pigtails and put 'naughty school girl' freckles on his face

Tell everyone (including his crew and superiors) that he's gay

Use long complicated words to make him look stupid

Ask him if he wants to borrow a pair of your heels to make him look taller

Slap him and call him a whore

Spike his favourite drink with rum

Get his crew to sing sea shanties

Introduce non-uniform day to his workers, get them to dress as pirates

Do impersonations of Jack around him

**A/N updates will come quite fast I hope because I break up from school in 2 weeks. Anyways, please review so I stay happy**

**Free cyber cookies to all that review**

**Thankyou to all my wounderful reviewers;**

Black Ladybug, Lil' Miss.Rebel, J. B. Duenweg, ScarletRose Petal, CyclonePhonix, arrabellasmith, Anatonia.


	8. ScarletGiselle

**Scarlet/ Giselle**

Tell scarlet she looks like a clown with all that rouge

Say to her "I think it's great you've given up your job of whoring

around…oh sorry I thought you were someone else.

Follow her around whilst she's 'working' giving her 'tips'

Dress up really provocatively and 'steal' or their customers

Tell all the men that if they sleep with scarlet or Giselle they'll get a nasty rash 'down there'

Demand 55 of their takings and act like their pimp

Set them up on a blind date because they need to fine a 'real' man

Introduce them to really ugly smelly guys

Tell both of them that the other is spreading nasty rumours about them…sit back and watch the bitch fight begin

Get them put in rehab (there is actually rehab for prostitutes…don't ask how I know I just do)

Give her a lecture on the importance of safe sex (you know what I mean, the ones you get given in school that last hours)

Tell them "Your bum looks big in that"

Tell them they look fat no matter what they wear

Criticise their hair and fashion sense

Act all innocent and ask them what they do for a living

Steal their rouge

Slap them and say "That was for Jack!"

Steal their dresses

Constantly sing "she gets around" by Elliot Minor (Lyrics below)

She's in and out  
She's getting around  
She can't stay away, she can't stay away.  
Up and down  
from city to town  
she can't stay away, she can't stay away

It always started in a crowd  
And we're scared I cant get out  
Another time, another place  
Different people, lonely town  
So I waited for a while  
Never knowing what to do  
I want this memory to fade  
I'll wake up its you.

She's in and out  
She's getting around  
She can't stay away, she can't stay away.  
Up and down  
from city to town  
she can't stay away, she can't stay away

I know that she can't control it  
This part of her life she needs it  
I wanna forget those things you do

I wonder where she is tonight  
Im running out of time  
Take me in and let me fight  
I want justice for this crime  
So where were you all last night  
You drive me insane I don't know why  
You know you're nothing in my life  
You're just a joke to the end

She's in and out  
She's getting around  
She can't stay away, she can't stay away.  
Up and down  
from city to town  
she can't stay away, she can't stay away

I know that you can't control it  
This part of her life she needs it  
I wanna forget those things you do

So she's in and out  
She's getting around  
Fighting for addiction now  
And there came a time  
That once in my life  
I regretted  
From meeting you

She's in and out  
She's getting around  
She can't stay away, she can't stay away.  
Up and down  
from city to town  
she can't stay away, she can't stay away

I know that you can't control it  
This part of her life she needs it  
I wanna forget those things you do

She's in and out  
She's getting around  
She can't stay away, she can't stay away.  
Up and down  
from city to town  
she can't stay away, she can't stay away

She's in and out  
She's getting around  
She can't stay away, she can't stay away.  
Up and down  
from city to town  
she can't stay away, she can't stay away

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**A/N There you go, all done. Hope you all enjoyed it, hot chocolate and marshmallows for all that review**

**Author: And using my psychic abilities I shall now tell you who I shall torture next……**

**(gasps of anticipation)**

**Author:……Tia Dalma!**

**Tia Dalma: That's not psychic! This is psychic. Your deepest secret that no one knows is...**

**Author: (cuts off Tia Dalma) Okay folks, see you next time, bye. (Runs after Tia Dalma) Come back her you wentch!**


	9. Tia Dalma

**A/N Yeah, yeah, I know. Long time no see. I'm really sorry but my mind just went blank for ideas. Anyway, enough of my excuses and on with the chapter you've been waiting so long for.**

**Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers.**

**Kayley Taylor**

**Charity Flint**

**ScarletRosePetal**

**razznapple22**

**orlandoluver2**

**Evangeline Daae**

**Whitest.Black.Wolf**

**Anatonia**

**Ninja Pirate 25**

**GoodnightxGoodbye**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**Icelands**

**Stella the Sniper**

**Tia Dalma**

Make fun of her accent by doing a really bad impression

Continually tell her "I know something you don't know"

Pull on her hair

Repeatedly tell her she has something in her teeth

Cut off one of her dreadlocks, then run around her shack screaming "it's mine all mine!"

Go around her shack picking up things and constantly asking her if the said object has mystical powers.

Whine about how she didn't give you a jar of dirt, then throw a strop demanding that you get one there and then.

Ask her why she didn't just put dirt in Jack's shoes, because that way he wouldn't have to carry around a big jar and he'd still have land with him.

Tell her "you're going to lose that dress if you're not careful" (meaning it's going to fall down"

Insist that she joins (a dating website) as she obviously needs a man in her life.

Ask her why she's in love with a squid man.

Ask her, with a knowing smirk on your face, how she knows so much about Davy Jones.

Laugh at her and tell her she has greasy skin

Cast a critical eye over her outfit, circle her muttering about her appalling fashion sense.

Ask her "why on earth have you been taking hair care tips from Jack Sparrow?"

Tell her she needs to get a maid because her shack is filthy

When you can tell she is about to talk to you, put up your hand to stop her and say "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."

Every time she says something tell her to prove it.

Ask her mysterious questions the scribble them down into a notebook, muttering something about psychological profiles.

Constantly call her the "Dalai llama"

**A/N Okay, I think I'll leave it there, hope you all enjoyed it and that it was worth the wait. Please review. Muchas gracias **

**Author: drum roll please….the next victim shall be….**

**Audience: Oh just get on with it!**

**Author: Barbossa!**

**Barbossa: And here was me hoping she had forgotten all about me**

**Author: I would never forget you, sugar plum**

**Barbossa: (screams in mental anguish)**


	10. Barbosa

**A/N Wow, I can't believe how fast I got this one up. Well I would again like to thank all my wonderful reviewers, thanks for all your lovely comments.**

**Orlandoluver2**

**TavyBeckettFan**

**Cyclone Phoenix**

**Whitest.Black.Wolf**

**Littledevildrummagirl**

**Xewioso**

**Kayley Taylor**

**Anatonia**

**Barbosa**

Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training"

Gasp, look up and point, laugh when he looks up too

Slowly sneak up to him while humming the mission impossible theme tune. Sniff his head, then run away. Repeat every 30 minutes.

Tie and apple to some string and swing it in front of his face tauntingly

Tap him on the shoulder until he turns around, when he asks what you want, say "nothing". Five minutes later, repeat process.

Tell him "you're putting on weight nicely"

Give him a banana saying he needs some variation in his diet

When he's playing poker look at his cards and give him advice loudly. "Wow, that's a good one." Or "Get rid of that nine; you've got a pair of kings"

Write "X – BURIED TREASURE" at random spots all over his maps.

Go up to him and say in psychotic manner "My psychiatrist says that sailing helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenceless, woodland creatures.

Eat all of his apples

Go up to him and say "I feel…warm" in a similar way to his dying words at the end of the first film

Go up to him with a bone in your hand and ask him angrily "Is this another one of yours? I'm getting fed up of you leaving your bones everywhere expecting me to clear them up after you. If you don't watch it, I'll get a dog and give the bones to it"

Call him "Mr Bones"

Give him a bonsai apple tree

Ask him why he named the monkey after Jack if he hates jack so much

Tell him you think he loves Jack really

Ask him "why apples? Why not oranges?"

Wrap him up in a warm blanket saying "there, all nice and toasty now." In a condescending manner

Randomly squawk like a budgie

**A/N Well I hope you all enjoyed it, the next one might not be for a while seeing as college is so hectic, and I'm probably to be getting a job soon, so I'll be lucky if I get time to sleep never mind write. Anyways…..**

**Author: Eney meany miney mo….you are the next in line to be tortured by my hands.**

**Jack: who? Me?**

**Author: No, not you. I've already done you….it's her!**

**Anamaria: Oh Christ!**

**Author: No just me.**


	11. Anna Maria

**A/N ****I would just like to say that I don't hate Anamaria, I just honestly think these ways would work. So here's your chapter.**

**A quick shout out to my reviewers, thank you!**

**Anatonia**

**Xewioso**

**Orlandoluver2**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**Aquatic cylipso**

**Kayley Taylor**

**Anamaria**

Tell her that you think that a blind beggar with no navigational or sea faring skills could be a better sail than her

Act as if you think she's bad luck

Throw sticks for her and tell her to fetch (i'm not insinuating that she's a female dog)

Burn all her clothes, forcing her to wear a really pink, frilly dress

Jump out from behind corners and scream at her

Crawl into her bed and call her "mummy"

Put fake spiders in her bed

Act like and old fashioned teacher, throwing lumps of chalk at her, telling her to concentrate

Insist that you are her long lost child

Jump up and down on her bed every morning screaming "it's Christmas!" when it's clearly not (works better in the middle of summer)

Rub smelly cheeses all over her clothes to make them smell

Randomly start talking to her about quantum physics (or something equally confusing that she wont know anything about)

Put super glue all over her hands and tell her to clap

Give her random hugs

Steal her boat (beware of being slapped in return)

Give her a pink fluffy and insist she wear it

Call her "Annie"

When she's about to slap you, hold up your hand as if to say wait, stick your tongue out, slap her, then run away giggling manicly.

Ask her where she went in the second and third films, accuse her of teaming up with Davy Jones

Jump on her back randomly and demand to be taken for a piggy back ride

Call her "Mary"

Only speak to her in French (or any other language that isn't English that she doesn't understand)

**A\N There you go, that's all I got for now, although I am working on my next chapter even as i'm typing this up. Any ideas welcome.**

Author: And next time who shall I be torturing with my wit and slightly crazed imagination?

Random person: Jack the monkey!

Author: Don't be so evil! (clicks fingers and has them dragged away by bodyguards) No, it's Pintel and Ragetti.

(Ragetti breaks down crying whilst Pintel pats his sympathetically on the shoulder.


	12. Pintel and Ragetti

**A/N OMG three months, i'm so sorry you guys. Anyway rum and cookies for my last reviewers:**

**LotusoftheMoon**

**BreezyKitty**

**Xx.maddy-sparx.xX**

**Mrs.CaptainJackSparrow1234**

**Xewioso**

**TheAbsoluteBestFangirlEVER**

**icestar14**

**CyclonePhoenix**

**ScarletRosePetal**

**Aquatic Cylipso**

**Kayley Taylor**

**Anatonia**

* * *

**Pintel/ Ragetti**

When they're mopping the floor (with that gross stuff from the first film) tell them they missed a spot

Steal Ragetti's wooden eye

Refer to them as dumb and dumber

Chase after Ragetti with a piece of sandpaper (for his eye)

Give Pintel a blonde toupee (so that it looks obviously fake)

Tell them the Captain wants them to capture the monkey, when they finally catch it, let it go.

Pronounce "kraken" wrong repeatedly

Steal there clothes, leaving them with only dresses to wear

Drop a coin, wait until one of them reaches down to pick it up then scream "that's mine" and clutch it to your chest protectively

Hold a twig over your head, and claim that no one can see you.

Constantly walk into them

Drop a marble and say "damn my glass eye!"

Every time one of them approaches you, hold up your hand and say "I know what you're going to to say...and for the last time NO, I will NOT go out with you."

Whenever they talk, sniff their shoulders

Bark like a dog whenever someone says the word "the"

Insist that you be called "coach"

Carry a bag with you everywhere, every now and then open it up and ask "have you got enough air in there?"

Every time you see them shout loudly "Monkey see, monkey do" then act like nothing has happened

Look at your hand in amazement and say "woah, I never knew I had this!"

Ask them what sex they are

* * *

A/N Okay, done. Hope you all enjoyed it.

Author: (takes out a huge scroll of paper) According to the scrolls of justice the next to be punished by my wrath is Mercer.

Mercer: But I barely even feature in the film

Author: Everyone must pay their dues. (bangs gavel) Dismissed


	13. Mercer

**A/N YAY! Finally I updated. I know I took ages but i'm a busy person. Hope you all had a great bonfire night, well for us British anyway, for those that aren't and don't understand I hope you had a good day yesterday anyway.**

**Mercer**

Every time he does something ask "is it because your mother didn't love you?"

Give him a badge that says "don't worry be happy" and insist that he wears it

In the middle of a conversation gasp and look up, see if he does it too

Look up at the sky and say "wow that cloud spells gullible" laugh if he looks, if he doesn't, nag until he does then laugh

Ask him what gender he is

Tie jingle bells to all of his clothes

Repeat everything he says as a question

Pick your nose and ask if you can use his sleeve to wipe it off

Every time he touches something, run up to it and clean it

Lick their face and say "yuck, you taste weird". Repeat every half an hour

Recite Shakespearian poetry all the time

Every time they finish a sentence ask "And then what happened?"

When he's walking in front of you scream until he stops, when he asks why you screamed say you

thought you saw a squirrel

Look at your hand and say in amazement "Woah I never knew I had this."

Every time he says something say "i know"

Ask them over and over again "is this annoying? Is this annoying?"

Walk up to him spontaneously and say I must avenge the death of my father.

Ask him if it's weird working for a boss that's half his size

**Saph: And the next to be ripped to shreds by me is (closes eyes and spins around). You! Well done how do you feel about the great honor.**

**Sao Feng: Honor?! You call this torture an honor?**

**Saph: Stop whining you wimp. I'll give you a month to adjust to the idea.**


End file.
